Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just cut my nipple shaving
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
