I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
