Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
