her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
