4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
