Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
