Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
