just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
