I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
