conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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