you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
