dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
