Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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