If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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