I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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