You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
