what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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