so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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