Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize