guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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