Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
