Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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