Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
