he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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