WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
