didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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