I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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