So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
