That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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