I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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