Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
