Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
