Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
