One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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