You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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