I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
