so explain again why im purple
no
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
