I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
