I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
