He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
