Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize