apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
