Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
