The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So squirting runs in the family.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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