I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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