Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
