i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
