Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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