am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
