Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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