Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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