I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
