He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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