i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
