i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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