Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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