Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
