My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
