Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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