he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
