I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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