If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
