i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize