Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
