Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
