Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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