Me. At least after what I've been through.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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