I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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