You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
