did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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