You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
they're like a gay fantastic four
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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