umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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