The maid of honor just puked.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
