you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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